I know I need to change.

I can count about 3 times in my life where I have been a size 14. (my smallest size)  Pretty sad considering that size 14 is "fat" to most people. 

I've never been to counseling about my weight issue, but if I ever did, the first thing out of my mouth would go something a little like this.

     " I just don't understand.  Is it possible to have the polar opposite of anorexia? When I look into the mirror I sometimes do not see myself as big as I really am."

And that is the honest truth.

How the heck could I have not seen this.  One day I just kind of 'woke up' and saw myself at this size. 

I mean...I knew that I was fat. I've always known this.  I was drinking Diet Coke in Middle School when it really tasted bad.  Middle school probably marks the beginning of my lifetime battle of the bulge. 

I just didn't see myself as that fat.  You know?   Then I got bigger, and got to a point where I could barely walk to the mailbox without my back hurting or losing my breath.

My relationship with food is terrible.

I eat when I'm happy. 

I eat when I'm sad. 

I eat when I'm bored.

I eat when other people eat. 

I eat just because its there. 

Bottom line. I eat.  I eat a lot. 

Oh yea...and I don't exercise.

I knew before the New Year that I would be blogging about my struggle with my weight.  I want to blog about my struggles.  I want to blog about my successes.  i want to blog about my failures.

So here I am. 

(with my ADORABLE niece)

I'm blogging about it.  It's not fun for me to share this.  It's kind of embarrassing actually.  But I know it will change.

I know I will change.

Now to figure out where to start.....................