Saturday, January 7, 2012

I know I need to change.

I can count about 3 times in my life where I have been a size 14. (my smallest size)  Pretty sad considering that size 14 is "fat" to most people. 

I've never been to counseling about my weight issue, but if I ever did, the first thing out of my mouth would go something a little like this.

     " I just don't understand.  Is it possible to have the polar opposite of anorexia? When I look into the mirror I sometimes do not see myself as big as I really am."

And that is the honest truth.

How the heck could I have not seen this.  One day I just kind of 'woke up' and saw myself at this size. 

I mean...I knew that I was fat. I've always known this.  I was drinking Diet Coke in Middle School when it really tasted bad.  Middle school probably marks the beginning of my lifetime battle of the bulge. 

I just didn't see myself as that fat.  You know?   Then I got bigger, and got to a point where I could barely walk to the mailbox without my back hurting or losing my breath.

My relationship with food is terrible.

I eat when I'm happy. 
I eat when I'm sad. 
I eat when I'm bored.
I eat when other people eat. 
I eat just because its there. 

Bottom line. I eat.  I eat a lot. 

Oh yea...and I don't exercise.

I knew before the New Year that I would be blogging about my struggle with my weight.  I want to blog about my struggles.  I want to blog about my successes.  i want to blog about my failures.

So here I am. 
(with my ADORABLE niece)

I'm blogging about it.  It's not fun for me to share this.  It's kind of embarrassing actually.  But I know it will change.

I know I will change.



Now to figure out where to start.....................






7 comments:

  1. Thanks for joining my blog and I so know where you are coming from! I would do a lot to become a 14 again - not counting today. Here we go huh?

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  2. Hello Dina, thank you for being honest. I too struggle with my diet and I know its not easy. I try personally to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and drink a lot of water to balance out my deep love for food. I love to cook and enjoy eating. Hang in there!
    Michelle@Healtiersteps

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  3. Hi Dina, check out this article from the NY Times, it will open your eyes and you won't be too hard on yourself. Don't give up.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/tara-parker-pope-fat-trap.html?pagewanted=all

    Happiness to ALL !

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  4. Love this honest post. I can relate! I can relate to you feeling like what you see in the mirror is fine--until I read what the healthy weight range is for a 5 foot 2 woman, and I'm 30 pounds above the high end of the range. I am happy with myself, but I'm mindful that I need to be careful because my health--my very life--is at stake. I've just started reading "Made to Crave" because I do think this issue goes way beyond the surface. Blessings to you, and thank you for writing this post!

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  5. You start with one step. One change. one thing at a time. Then it becomes manageable. I've known you for many years now and I know you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to. You are an amazing person, a beautiful woman inside and out, and you are so very special to so many people. I love you girl!!

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  6. Oh ladies ty all so much!

    I'm trying to figure out where to start first...but rest assured...I will be posting about it!

    I appreaciate your input and words of encouragement!

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  7. The average American woman IS NOT a toothpick model. It's easier said than done when I say, don't fret over this weight thing. We are who we are. Can we change, yes, like you said in baby steps. Just know that I read this blog after eating chicken enchilada soup with tortillas, drinking a large root beer, and eating a banana split from sonic. Now i'm stuffed silly!! I'd say I normally don't eat this much, but it's tough for anyone to believe after reading what I have written. LOL

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